I'm PREGNANT! It's a...

You see that women right there? That’s me. Except for I’m black. With a gun.

If you haven’t heard the news so far, yes, I’m pregnant!

I’ve been blogging about it for quite some time now but have kept it in a private blog because this pregnancy is something I want to remember, but of course it didn't happen on purpose. Because of that, I've been blogging in private. Basically, I was one of those people who creeps out in the basement writing by candlelight and only coming out when the sweet smell of Italian food drifts from our kitchen.

Those eyes are no joke.

Soooo yes. To a lot of people that don’t already know, it’s probably a huge shocker. I’m having a beautiful little child. I’m actually already in the last trimester, 28 weeks (thank heavens only 12 left!) and can’t wait for this little one to waltz into the world. How I’ve possibly resisted the urge to burst out from telling the world for the last 28 weeks…I will never know.

So. My baby. It’s a boy! :) and let me tell you, he is literally the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen in my entire life. Who knew you could fall in love with only seeing a few simple ultrasound pictures, right? His tiny toes. His sweet little hands. His itsy bitsy nose and mouth. And don't even get me started about the picture with him sucking on his thumb in the womb, it's literally the best picture i’ve ever seen in my entire life. I’m so in love with him. I don’t know why, but I tear up nearly every time I talk about my love for him. He’s absolutely perfect.

I felt as though I’ve been writing since October for nobody (probably because I have…) and some people I’m sure would do it that way too. They would rather keep it to themselves if they were single and pregnant. It’s not something to be proud of. So don’t get me wrong, it’s been great to get it out in a blog that only I could see, but sometimes you just want to shout to the world, I LOVE MY SON AND I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET HIS BEAUTIFUL SPIRIT. Because it’s true. I can’t wait to see his face and kiss his nose and learn about this wonderful spirit God sent down from Heaven.

It’s incredibly humbling to know that even though I haven’t met him yet, I know that he loves me just as much as I love him. And let me tell you, that’s a lot. A WHOLE lot. It’s changed the way that I see my own parents as well as all  parents in general. I hear the wonderful "I love you” phrase all the time, but little did I know REALLY just how much they love me. I think, that even with the attempt for the deepest understanding that you can work up in your mind and your heart, most people will never know how much parents really love their children until they have one themselves. Maybe I’m not putting it into the right words, but your entire world changes not only when you find out you’re having a child, but really UNDERSTAND that you’re having a child. Knowing vs. Understanding. There’s a difference. This is a part of you. This is a part of God. This is one of His son’s I’m going to be raising. Because of my unconditional love for him, I now understand more fully just how much my parents love me, and how much other parents love their children.

It really is a remarkable thing. It’s a blessing that we have families and a blessing that we are able to feel love. It truly is a blessing to love and to be loved. I think that’s why God wants us to have families. Even through all the difficulties and discomfort that pregnancy brings, your love grows for all of those around you more than it ever has in the past once you fully understand that you’re giving birth to one of God’s children. I thought I knew what love was and how much God loved me and how much my parents loved me, and….I did. I’m sure all of you know love, what it means, and who loves you. I’m not saying that you or I don’t know that our earthly and Heavenly Parents love us. I knew that They ALL loved me. But let me tell you, when you find out you’re having a child, you realize that the benchmark for love just got so much higher…

I love him, guys. I absolutely love him.

I just wanted to get that all out. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm ready, but I'm completely not ready all at the same time. If you want to judge me, feel free. But if you want to get to know me and where I come from when it comes to this whole pregnancy, i’m not shy to talk about it or you can also read my future blogs. I’ll just be over here continuing my blogging like I’ve been doing this entire time as a professional creeper.

There you go, son. Your mom is a creep. Uh oh, that means you’re going to be a creep too. Eh, we can creep out together. You bring the juice boxes, I’ll bring the cookies.

I love you, son. I hope you always remember that.