Pregnant on Purpose?

When we know where we stand, where we want to stand, and who we’re standing for…standing strong suddenly becomes a whole lot easier.

That’s the thing that I have kept telling myself over the last few months. Sometimes it’s hard to remember where I stand and most importantly, who and what I stand for. I stand for truth and righteousness. I stand for humility and virtue. I stand for God.

It’s hard sometimes when people around me judge me for being single and pregnant. I’m extremely grateful though, for the people that are able to see past that. It’s not their fault, but I think that sometimes people just forget that you can be forgiven. I think they forget that I can be forgiven. Someone was so surprised today that I was able to go to the Gilbert Temple Dedication because of the fact that I am pregnant and not married. All I could do was try my best to explain that although I’ve made mistakes in the past, it’s important to also know that I can and have been forgiven and at this point, can only continue to move forward in returning to Heaven. Forgiveness requires forgiving yourself so that's what I've done, and now I'm moving forward the best that I can. I can be made whole again. Everybody can. No matter what you’ve done in the past, God still loves you. With all of His heart, He loves you. Many people have asked me why and how I can just act so nonchalant about all of this. Why am I not sad and depressed? Did I get pregnant on purpose? Why am I happy to have a baby?

The simple answer?

Because I love him. I love my son more than I can even begin to explain. So why shouldn’t I be happy that he is able to come to earth?

The more complicated answer?

Because I love God. I love Him and I am so grateful for the atonement and for His perfect forgiveness. I may not be perfect, but God is. I may have made a lot of mistakes, but God doesn't. Ever. With that knowledge, I know for  fact that I'm bringing a son of God into this world and that although it wasn't the way that I planned, I know that he, my sweet baby boy, my son...isn't a mistake.

It’s not that I got pregnant on purpose. I don’t think it’s any girl’s dream to be a single mother or to be single and pregnant. It’s extremely difficult. And I do get sad. Beyond sad. I get depressed and heartbroken and worried beyond belief. I've cried so many tears the last few months, sometimes it feels like there's none left to cry. You haven’t seen me the many times that I’ve burst into tears whether it’s because of stress or sadness or pain or because of not feeling like going to church that day because I have to see all the other happy families with both a mom AND a dad. I see all of my old friends having fun and getting into relationships and doing such wonderful things in their lives and then there’s….me. Wondering if things will be ok. Wondering if I’ll ever find a good guy or if he'll ever think I'm good enough for him. Wondering if I should even throw a baby shower because who knows if people would even show up. Wondering why in the world I put myself in this situation. Wondering all these negative things, yet trying to stay happy because even with all the struggles, I’m still so incredibly lucky. I'm much more blessed than millions of others in this world. When I think of that, it really puts things into perspective. And like I said before, life is all about perspective. Sometimes the only way to truly see things is to find a new one.

We are in a difficult time in the world right now. Everyone tends to focus on that and tends to be sad for the children that have to grow up in it. But the way that I choose to see it? We are also in one of the best times in the entire history of the world. We have a living prophet. And a happy one at that. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the prophets are some of the happiest people I have ever seen. You can FEEL their bright and humble radiance just by looking in their eyes. Even through a TV screen you can feel it. I don’t think that God chooses a man to be a prophet because he is a genuinely happy person. I believe that the prophets are genuinely happy people BECAUSE of the knowledge and love they have for our Father in Heaven. Even with all the negativity placed upon the times that we live in, I believe that we are still so very lucky. We have a happy, righteous, living prophet on the earth today. We have the fully restored gospel. We have forever families. We have temples. My goodness do we have temples. Look at how many temples we have around the world today. My mind is blown by the power these sacred buildings hold. Think about it: Temples have God’s power. It’s His home. And if we're righteous, how amazing is it that we get to spend time there?

To me, it's absolutely incredible.

I believe that we owe it to our ancestors to be baptized for them after all they went through and endured to get the world to this point. To this wonderful point where we actually have temples all over the earth. So many of them were so righteous but didn’t have the opportunity to be baptized. They were the ones building the temples to begin with, yet some of them had their time run out on earth before they were able to be blessed by the sealing covenants they hold. They were the ones God sent to rebuild the world once the gospel came back to earth. We owe it to them so that they too are able to be blessed by the covenants that they spent so much time building these temples for.

Even with the negativity that so many people tend to be focused on in the world, I’m so very grateful that my son is going to be born during this time. I’m grateful that I was born during this time. I can’t even imagine if I was born so many years ago and had to sacrifice all they did in order to come to earth and build what we have today. In the midst of all this destruction, we are all so very lucky.

For me, there’s no “I hope I can go to the temple one day. I hope I’ll be good enough”. I KNOW I will go to the temple one day and I can’t wait to be able to be sealed to my future husband and my son. I can’t wait to have this family forever sealed to me in Heaven.

I love this gospel and I am so very grateful for its power. I am beyond grateful for repentance and for forgiveness, along with the people that understand the power of the atonement. They really help me along. I am so grateful for the sacrifice our Savior made for every single one of us so that we can not only return to be with Him and our Father, but so that we can be just like Him. I am grateful for His love. I know that Heavenly Father lives and that He loves each one of us. He knows us. He knows our weaknesses, but He also knows our strengths. I am so grateful for forever families and for the temples that cover the earth today as well as the many more temples to come. The first thing I thought of as I was walking into the dedication today was, Wow am I lucky to be here with my family. My mom said the same to all of us as we left. I can't say it enough, that I am so grateful for forever families. I love this gospel and have been growing so much more than I ever have before. I hope to only be able to be a good mother in teaching my son and the rest of my future children to have the love that I have in my heart for our wonderful Father in Heaven. We are all so lucky to be living in times like today. Please don’t forget where you stand, where you want to stand, and especially who you stand for. Trust me, it makes standing strong a lot easier.

This is my ever growing testimony, and I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

I love to see the temple, I AM going there someday.